The best thing about these toasts are that they are never intended for the ears of the opposite sex. Be outrageous and enjoy letting off steam with your close friends. Here are some ideas, but don’t limit yourself to these. Be creative and have fun!

GIRLS:

Here’s to husbands and sweethearts. May they never meet!

Men are somewhat like sausage, very smooth upon the skin; But you can never tell exactly how much hog there is within.

Women’s faults are many, men have only two…everything they say and everything they do!

Here’s to never breaking plans with friends to go out with a guy!

To man: The only animal that laughs, drinks when he is not thirsty, and makes love during all seasons of the year!

Here’s to power shopping without a limit!

GUYS:

Here’s to good, old whiskey, so amber and so clear: ‘Tis not as sweet as a woman’s lips, but a damn sight more sincere.

Here’s to you, and here’s to me, in hopes we never disagree. But it we do, the hell with you… here’s to me.

I've drank to your health in taverns,
I've drank to your health in my home,
I've drank to your health so damn many times,
I believe I've ruined my own!

Here’s to the man who takes a wife: let him make no mistake. For it makes a lot of difference whose wife you take.

Here’s to passing gas loudly, in bed or any place that I like.

Here’s to good whiskey, good wine, lifelong friends, and more good times.

To a beautiful bride, a good job, and good friends to keep you from blowing it all!

May your liquor be cold,
May your women be hot.
And may your troubles slide off of you
slicker than snot.

May you...
Work like you don't need the money,
love like you've never been hurt,
dance like no-one is watching,
screw like it's being filmed,
and drink like a true Irishman.

No matter how beautiful,
how smart, or how cute she is...
somebody somewhere, is sick of her sh*t!
--Submitted by John Patrick Thomas Hardy...
graffiti from Kelly's Irish Times pub in Washington, D.C

A man is only as old as the woman he feels. --Groucho Marx

Of all my favorite things to do,
the utmost is to have a brew.
My love grows for my foamy friend,
with each thirst-quenching elbow bend.
Beer's so frothy, smooth and cold--
It's paradise--pure liquid gold.
Yes, beer means many things to me...
That's all for now, I gotta pee!

Here's to all of the women who have used me and abused me...
And may they continue to do so! --Submitted by Ricky Dunnington, Virginia Beach, VA

I'll drink to the girls that will.
I'll drink to the girls that won't.
But I won't drink to the girls that say they will
and then I find out they don't. --Submitted by Walter Tyler, Ponte Vedra Beach, FL

Women, Can't live with 'em,
Pass the beer nuts.--Norm Peterson, "Cheers"(Submitted by Mark Adams)